It’s been a while—nearly two years—since I’ve written anything publicly on this newsletter. You might have some questions: Where have I been? What have I been up to? Why am I writing today?
Over the coming months, I plan to share answers to those first two questions. But for this post, I’d like to focus on the last question: Why am I writing today?
I like to use my birthday as a day to reflect on the past year, and to evaluate where I am at the present moment. As I went through this exercise yesterday, I realized a lot has changed. I’ve learned a great deal over the past year.
In honor of my 32nd birthday, I’m sharing 32 lessons I’ve learned since I last published.
This list is in no particular order, and it is not exhaustive. These are lessons that have helped me improve my life satisfaction and contentment. I recognize your mileage may vary.
Prioritize yourself: Others will judge me no matter what I do. I prioritize what I want to do, and I spend more time doing things I enjoy.
Perspective is everything: I used to always look at things as glass half empty. Now I zoom out and look at the big picture, and that has made me a more positive person.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger: I firmly believe greatness cannot be accomplished without enduring pain. I aim to channel any challenges and obstacles into grit and perseverance.
Words matter: Tell people that you appreciate them. I’ve found most people don’t hear genuine appreciation from others enough.
Believe in Something: When I was lost in life, I needed to find something to believe in to guide me. This is what religion was for my parents. I didn’t believe in religion, but for a while, I didn’t believe in anything. I had to define a life mission to believe in and give me direction.
Don’t make assumptions: The reason I think the way I do is because of a set of singularly unique experiences. The same goes for everyone else. I try to ask questions to understand others’ perspective, and have empathy for why others see things differently than me.
Most things in life are not black or white: I used to be very extreme in my thinking. Now I find the beauty in the nuance.
Help Others: Raise the expectations and aspirations of the people around you. Often my inner voice prevents me from doing something, and I wish someone would give me the encouragement to do it. I want to be that person for others.
Don’t compare yourself to others: The only person I compare myself to is the person I was yesterday.
It’s never the perfect time: Knowing is only 20% of the battle. I spend so much time trying to learn, but doing is 80% of the battle. That’s the hard part. Learn by doing.
Laughter can be a cure-all: Life isn’t meant to be taken so seriously. I try to make people laugh and I’ve found it’s brought me closer to others.
Give it 100%: Anyone who knows me knows I tend to put everything into anything I do. I don’t always succeed, but I always make sure I do my best.
Remember people’s birthdays: It’s a small thing, but I’ve personally found it goes a long way in connecting and staying in touch with others.
Keep Expectations Low: Most of my disappointment has come from misaligned expectations from reality. I try not to have unrealistic expectations.
Don’t seek validation from others: I need to remind myself of this sometimes, but the only person whose validation I live for is my own.
Take things less personally: l can choose to not be offended, and I can control how I react to what others say or do.
It’s never too late to reconnect: When you’ve lost touch with someone out of your own accord, and you want to reconnect, reach out. I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how many people I’ve reconnected with and how many relationships I’ve strengthened over the last year just by being vulnerable.
Sleep is vital: Sleeping 7 to 8 hours is the most important ingredient for my happiness, and I aim to do more of what optimizes for this.
Be present: Whenever I get down, I start thinking about the past. Then I remember that my past does not define me. I can take action now, in the present moment, and redefine who I am.
Digital Minimalism is Key: The internet and technology are beautiful things, but I don’t have good self-control. Sometimes, I need to take extreme measures. I know that often means delayed responses, missed calls, or less time connecting with people online. Minimizing time spent on my phone makes me happier.
Look Inwards: Meditating, learning and applying cognitive behavioral therapy, and finding true peace requires deep personal exploration. It’s far from easy, but the rewards are immeasurable.
Reduce optionality: A lot of my unhappiness comes from having too much free time and too many options. I’ve found spending less time thinking and more time doing (regardless of the option I choose) generally makes me more content.
Say “I don’t know” more: There is so much to learn in life. I can’t know everything. Knowledge is relative.
I am the product of the people I am closest to: I try to surround myself with people with make me laugh, who enable me to maximize my potential, and who challenge me to think differently. And I actively seek to cut out people who pull me down.
Be Direct: When I want something, it is more likely for me to get what I want if I am clear and honest instead of beating around the bush.
Popular is not always correct: History has taught me what’s popular today is not necessarily what will be viewed as correct or acceptable in the future. I try to have the courage to speak up for what I believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular.
Fight your ego: Nobody thinks about me more than I do. Don’t overthink it. People have much bigger things to concern themselves with than me.
Turn off the news: I no longer follow politics or read the news. I’ve found most of it is a distraction to what I want to achieve. Interestingly, I’ve found this gives me more time and energy to spend on what I care about and causes that matter to me.
Listen to books over podcasts: I’ve found because books have a larger barrier to entry, they have a higher likelihood of presenting ideas that stand the test of time. I rarely listen to podcasts now, but I listen to audiobooks consistently.
Make bad behaviors more challenging to do: When I want to reduce doing something, I make it harder to accomplish. For example, logging out of apps after I use them has helped me reduce wasted time on my phone and doomscrolling social media.
Stay curious: I’ve reframed my definition of productive and created a space for curiosity to let my mind wander. I find learning something new to be one of the greatest joys in life.
I’m the problem: The biggest thing holding me back from what I want is myself. It’s time to change that.