I’ve read 50 books over the last 2.5 years. That may not sound like a lot for many of you, but for me, it’s a massive accomplishment. I rarely used to read books before the pandemic. I’m not ashamed to admit I used to be the kid using SparkNotes for every book we were supposed to read in school. I still haven’t read any fiction books besides the Harry Potter series. And even today, I still prefer listening to an audiobook over reading one.
Today’s post is about 10 of the books that have impacted my life for the better. They are in no particular order. For each book, I’ve included a synopsis, one key takeaway, and a brief summary of the impact it has had on me. I’ve also broken the list into different categories, so that you can find what book(s) might be most relatable to you.
On Communicating Effectively
Book: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Synopsis: An approach to communication based on creating empathetic connection, understanding, and cooperation between individuals while minimizing conflict.
Key Takeaway: Instead of making demands or using coercive language, nonviolent communication (NVC) encourages you to state an objective observation, share how that made you feel, and state what you need, in order to make a clear, specific, and positive request.
Impact on Me: The NVC framework has encouraged me to be more empathetic and less judgmental in my conversations with others. It has vastly improved my relationship with my family, and I’ve also found it effective for more difficult conversations with people like roommates, close friends, or co-workers who have different motivations.
On Appreciating Life
Book: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
Synopsis: Memoir about a neurosurgeon who is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.
Key Takeaway: Life is what you make of it; focus on what is important to you.
Impact on Me: Kalanthi’s beautiful writing and heartfelt admissions make this an incredible read. I cried reading this book. It challenged me to think about how to create a life of meaning. I found myself thinking about deeper concepts like mortality, identity, and human life. It helped me realize how short life is, and how others have also had difficult lives, but have found ways to cope with and overcome their challenges. Why can’t I?
On the Keys to Living a Successful Life
Book: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
Synopsis: A comprehensive framework and holistic approach for developing healthy habits to live a more prosperous and effective life.
Key Takeaway: One of the 7 habits is: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Practice empathetic listening and seek genuine understanding before expressing your own thoughts and opinions. Create an atmosphere of trust and collaboration by truly hearing others and valuing their perspectives.
Impact on Me: Covey’s book is jam-packed with a great framework on how to navigate life. As a result of reading this book, I created a life mission and personal goals, which I write and revisit every quarter. It encouraged me to be more understanding of others’ perspectives, particularly for those people who see differently than me. It taught me a more effective way to prioritize my personal and professional tasks. Finally, it made me realize that emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being should not be neglected, and I’ve done a better job prioritizing those along with personal growth over the last few years.
On Fostering a Healthy Mindset
Book: Feeling Good by David Burns
Synopsis: Outlines cognitive-behavioral techniques and practical tools and exercises to overcome negative emotions and improve mental well-being.
Key Takeaway: When you are feeling negative emotions or mentally unwell, it’s often because you have cognitive distortions that create doubt in your own self-worth. The key is to understand these distortions and rewire your brain to recognize and combat them.
Impact on Me: When I picked up this book in 2021, I was deeply depressed. I often had suicidal thoughts, and I’d have weekly major depressive episodes. This book was truly life-changing. As a logical person, reading and learning about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) gave me an objective way to see the flaws in my irrational thinking, and a framework for how to untwist this way of thinking. Recognizing these fallacies has helped me adopt a more positive mindset. I maintain a gratitude journal now that helps me appreciate the little things in life. I only wish I had learned CBT even sooner.
On Stoicism
Book: The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Synopsis: Draws on inspiration from Stoic philosophy to present a practical and philosophical approach for how to turn adversity into opportunity.
Key Takeaway: Reframe your perspective and see obstacles as opportunities for learning, growth, and self-improvement. In doing so, you can cultivate mental strength, resilience, and perseverance in the face of adversity.
Impact on Me: I used to have a mindset of why does this always happen to me? when something negative would happen. This created a constant feeling like I got dealt a bad hand in life. Instead, I have learned to embrace these challenges and see them as a positive. These hard times have enabled me to develop grit and perseverance, and those skills prepare me for any new challenges that will inevitably come my way in my personal and professional life.
On the Value of Education
Book: Educated by Tara Westover
Synopsis: Tells the story of a woman’s upbringing in a strict household in rural Idaho and her journey towards education and self-discovery.
Key Takeaway: Desire and determination can be cultivated despite nurture. Westover’s willpower to pursue education becomes a driving force in her life, shaping her identity and providing a path to liberation.
Impact on Me: Westover’s memoir gave me great empathy for different perspectives. I am not often aware of others’ upbringing, which has an impact on how others think and live their lives. The book also reinforced the power of education in empowering people to progress forward and find happiness, something I strongly believe in.
On Discipline
Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Synopsis: Focuses on the science behind habits and offers practical strategies and insights to improve one's life.
Key Takeaway: There is a real compounding effect of small habits over time, which is often difficult to see day-to-day. These small, consistent actions can lead to significant long-term changes. You should focus on the process rather than solely on the desired outcome.
Impact on Me: As a logical person, I found it helpful to understand the science behind habits. The concept of habit stacking—associating a new behavior with a pre-existing habit—has paid dividends for me for my morning and night routines. I found starting small was helpful in driving motivation for activities I used to have great resistance to. The practices to break bad habits have been helpful for me to cut down on social media and other mindless tasks. If you are interested in a full book review of Atomic Habits, I wrote one here a few years ago.
On Personal Finance
Book: The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
Synopsis: Explores the psychological and behavioral aspects of money and personal finance, and how our behaviors, emotions, and biases shape our financial decisions and outcomes.
Key Takeaway: Personal finance is primarily a behavioral game rather than a game of intelligence. Being apt at personal finance is a factor of both luck and skill.
Impact on Me: I had never thought of how we behave with money as a product of psychology. It is rarely taught this way in schools, and as a result, we learn strategies from books and media, which portray it as a product of intelligence. The reality is that our decisions may look irrational in a vacuum, but once you evaluate the decision from the mindset or lens of the person making the decision, these financial decisions tend to make a lot more sense. I find psychology and behavioral economics fascinating, and I unsurprisingly learned a lot from this book.
On Personal Growth and Overcoming Trauma
Book: What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey
Synopsis: Explores the impact of trauma on individuals and communities, and the pathways to healing and resilience.
Key Takeaway: Traumatic experiences, especially during childhood, can shape brain development, behavior, and emotional well-being and there are very real scientific studies behind this impact.
Impact on Me: This book helped me realize the impact of my traumatic experiences as a child more so than my previous therapist was able to uncover. It helped me recognize that my medical difficulties as a child had a very real impact on my development as a child and in school. This was incredibly powerful as it gave me a peace of mind I have been longing for. It also gave me perspective that many others in the world have experienced great trauma—far greater trauma that I cannot even begin to comprehend. It reinforced an idea I already knew to be true: you never know what others are going through or have gone through.
On Mental Health
Book: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
Synopsis: Explores Gottlieb’s experiences as a therapist and as a therapy client, offering insights into the therapeutic process and the human condition.
Key Takeaway: Therapists are people, just like anyone else. They have their own challenges, joys, anxieties, and frustrations just like any of us.
Impact on Me: I never really had a great experience with therapy, but this book gave me insight into what my life might look like if I had a great therapist. In many ways this book was a way for me to vicariously live through Gottlieb’s patients and get the effective therapy I needed. Gottlieb seems like a genuinely caring person, and she is incredibly vulnerable in this book. It was refreshing to hear the experiences of others who have made breakthroughs in therapy, and who have also struggled with similar life challenges to me.
Not every book is going to be 100% applicable to you, and not all advice in every book is perfect. By no means are these the 10 best books ever written. But given that my attention span is low, and I not only got through each of these books, but enjoyed them and learned from them, they may be worth reading after all. I am a big believer that the real value is in the collection of learnings across all the content you read.
Hi Nikil, congrats on reading 50 books (that’s a lot!) and thank you for being so open in your blogs. I love a lot of the books that you’ve mentioned in this list, and for the ones I haven’t read yet, I just added them to my “to read” list. Also I loved the mention of “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottlieb. It’s one of those books that I happened to pick up thinking it would just be a “light read”, but it ended up changing the way I view people!