#28: Skip the Introductions
Introductions can inevitably be awkward. When I meet new people, it often goes like this:
Person 1: Hey, I’m <insert name here>
Me: Hey, I’m Nikil. Nice to meet you!
Person 1: Sorry, what was that?
Or it might go like this.
Person 1: Hey, I’m <insert name here>
Me: Hey, I’m Nikil (Nik-ill). Nice to meet you!
Person 1: Nice to meet you, (a different pronunciation of my name)
Now these are both relatively innocuous encounters, but that’s exactly why I’d classify them as awkward.
In the first scenario, it’s likely the person is hearing my name for the first time, or it’s a name that isn’t familiar to them. It’s also possible that I didn’t speak my name clearly.
In the second scenario, the person is likely giving a good-faith effort response to what I said, even if it’s an incorrect pronunciation. I have two choices—I can correct the person, or I can let it slide. If they ask me if it’s correct, I will correct them once. Otherwise, I tend to just leave it as is. It is only if someone is intentionally making fun of my name that I would take any offense.
Moreover, if you imagine these scenarios from the other person’s perspective, you have some empathy for the situation. They may be feeling shy or embarrassed that they don’t know how to say my name, and yet they have to try and say it. If their name is difficult to pronounce, they, too, may be focusing on getting their own name right just like I am.
While the above examples are from my own experience, I have certainly mispronounced others’ names and been corrected, and I have likely also mispronounced others’ names and not been corrected for the same reasons as I gave above.
I recognize that names hold great cultural and historical significance for some, and thus when someone corrects me, I focus on trying my best to get it right. But selfishly, I also find when there’s an added pressure to try and speak my name loudly and clearly so that the other person is able to understand it, I begin obsessively overthinking it. In doing so, I forget to actually pay attention to the other person’s name. This results in a third scenario.
Person 1: Hey, I’m… voice fades <insert name here>
Me (in my head): Remember say your name clearly and loudly. You got this!
Me: Hey, I’m Nikil (Nik-ill). Nice to meet you!
Person 1: Nice to meet you, too, Nikil!
Me (in my head): They got it right! Wait, hold on. What was their name again?
The instant feeling of gratification is immediately met with panic and self-blame that I’d decided to subconsciously ignore the name that they gave me because I was so preoccupied on the other person getting my own name, correct. Zoom and other video chat platforms have made remembering people’s names much easier. While I’d argue there are other social nuances that aren’t quite the same over video, one beautiful aspect is that I have access to a person’s name at all times. Losing this cheat code will be a major downside of post-pandemic life.
After the introductions comes the small talk. This conversation is usually light-hearted and safe. Too safe. Small talk in the U.S. today is about which vaccine you received, what side effects you had from the second dose, and what travel plans you have now that you received the vaccine.
I’m not saying it’s boring… but it’s boring. There’s nothing refreshing about something you’ve spoken to every single person about. Now by all means if you are a doctor, or have something particularly special to contribute, we should absolutely talk about it. Otherwise, I’d much rather talk about something that either you or I am super interested in, or something that one of us is particularly curious about like whether you really think traveling gives you a better cultural understanding of the world, or if it’s overrated? This is a much more authentic and interesting topic to me, and I’d rather get right into it.
It certainly doesn’t help matters that I’m introverted. Introverts generally dislike small talk for a few reasons. We find it much easier to speak our mind about deeper topics. Because introverts feed less off others, our tolerance for the beginning stages of conversations is much lower than extroverts’. We are much more interested in finding a level of genuine connection with our counterparts.
Jokes and humor are also often lost in the beginning of conversations. I find it is usually harder to be funny because you haven’t yet developed the connection with the person or group of people you have just met. There is less risk you can take, and often less tolerance that they will give. You don’t know their type of humor, and more importantly, they don’t know yours. I’m a person that likes to use humor that draws references to past experiences. In this way, the beginning of conversations neutralize my humor because there’s nothing I can easily refer back to.
I enjoy meeting new people, but I enjoy getting to know people even more. It’s like watching a well-written movie with many storylines, where once you’re hooked, it’s incredible. But until that point, there’s this idle period where you’re waiting for something exciting to happen.
I just wish I could skip over the formalities and get right into the conversation itself. This is where all the magic is.