#6: Measuring Your Life
I took a nice, long walk today on one of Charlotte’s many scenic trails. The Sun snuck out from behind the clouds for most of the afternoon, as a slight breeze was blowing on the beautiful, 70 degree day. On the trail, I was joined by other city residents. Some of them were accompanied by their furry animals, who would greet me excitedly, happy to see someone else aside from their owner. It was a peaceful and tranquil walk, and a nice way to get some stillness away from the city.
On the walk, I called a good friend of mine who I hadn’t caught up with in a while. We had a great conversation. We talked about a number of topics from parenting, to career, to relationships. Eventually, we got around to speaking about the topic of measuring success, and I just turned 30 today, and he left me with something profound to think about (paraphrased below):
When I was 20, the person I looked up to was the image of who I thought I would be at age 30. I hoped I would be successful, and I may have defined success differently then, but that’s who I looked up to. Not my parents, not some celebrity, my future self. Now, later this year, I’ll be 30, and I wonder, would my 20-year-old self find my real 30-year-old self successful?
And the answer is yes, because I am happy. I am happy because I am married, and because I have a kid, and because I have a few friends that I care about and that care about me, and because I have enough money…And who should my real 30-year-old self look up to? My 30-year-old self should look up to my 40-year-old self.
When he said that, I was reminded of a quote that I had heard a few times, which I realized after our conversation (and while writing this) was from Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life.
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
I can sympathize with those of you who may not have a fondness of Jordan Peterson, but I totally agree with him on this point.
I struggle greatly with comparing myself to others, which inevitably leads to chasing achievements, having perfectionist tendencies, and having more desire to be liked than I’d care to willingly admit.
There will always be people who have more than me in my career, or in finances, or in relationships. However, the best way to measure success and to be happy is to simply focus on improving myself day by day. It’s way easier said than done, though.
I’m happy to say, at least for today, I am better than I was yesterday, and that’s all I can ask for.